Friday, October 22, 2004

I Hate Your Baby

I'm sick of babies. I guess it might be more accurate to say I'm sick of parents. I'm sick of people who think that having a baby is an accomplishment. Raising your child successfully so they don't turn out to be a terrorist, or a petty thief, or a used car salesman, now that is an accomplishment. Evolution has worked for millions of years to create the miracle of engineering that is the human reproductive system. That is an accomplishment. All you did was open your legs to some guy you met at a bar. That is not an accomplishment.

I also hate parents who adopt children from starving third world nations. I don't buy into that "I'm just trying to help a disadvantaged child" bullshit. You're just trying to help your image. It's the moral equivalent to a status symbol. You've got a Hummer in the driveway, and a little Cambodian baby in the nursery. The Hummer makes your neighbors think you are cool, while the baby keeps them from saying you are shallow.

The worst is people who have retarded babies. It may be challenging to raise a retard, but that doesn't make it an accomplishment. A retarded baby is the result of a failure on the part of your reproductive system. An accomplishment would have been if you had tied that little turd up in a trash bag and left it in the nearest dumpster. Then the rest of the world wouldn't have to put up with its stupid drooling ass.

12 Comments:

Blogger Benjamin Solah said...

Ok, that was offensive and I don't know whether you are serious or not so I wont rant on how much your comments are a moral outrage

11:44 AM  
Blogger ShutUpEd said...

Sorry if I offended you. OK, not really. No one forces you to read this.

12:00 PM  
Blogger GreekGoddess said...

I bet you are not a parent.. and I hope you never be one if you have this morality... I meanI am not just offended... I got sick to my stomach readind this.. and no you didnt force me to read it but you cant also force me not to say how ashamed I think you should be.

10:23 PM  
Blogger ShutUpEd said...

Maybe it’s morning sickness. You’re probably pregnant again.

11:05 PM  
Blogger Webmiztris said...

Tsk tsk tsk - Ed - that is so wrong.

It takes years to find out a child is retarded so that would never work.

webmiztris.diaryland.com

6:05 PM  
Blogger Mango said...

holy shit that was funny.

6:20 PM  
Blogger TJ said...

You had me ... right up until the retarded part.

Anyway - tripped across your site through BE, you know - the one of your sites that didn't get ripped out due to whiney asshats. Glad I found it, keep up the good work :). Good call linking to this site from that one!


Oh - and as a new father, while it may not be an 'accomplishment' to procreate/reproduce, it is very much a high point in your life ... and lots of fun to practice.


/TJ
http://blog.tjevans.net

9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ed whoever told you to shut up should be dragged to the shed and shot. Never mind the shed I'll do it for free.

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Kelly said...

Right on with the adoption part...ever watch 'Adoption Stories' on the Discovery Health Channel? It will give you a good excuse to vomit. These parents are rich, self-centered people who believe that "saving" a needy child is just another item to put on their list of many accomplishments. If they really cared about adopting a baby for the sake of love and not image, they would adopt a baby from OUR country and not be on some stupid show flaunting it.

11:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

GO ED! GO GO ED!

1:03 PM  
Anonymous koki said...

hey thats what exactly everyone thinks but wudn't dare to admit.
Yea it sounds bitter and all, but they say truth is bitter right?

8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agreed with the reasons those "types" buy hummers and babies, but man-o-man I hope you're playing about the other creepy stuff b/c if you're not they may just have a special setting in hell for your @$$ to burn.

4:27 PM  

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