Friday, September 24, 2004

Don't Fear the Reefer.

Marijuana Smoker Beheads Two Women

This is a load of crap. This is some kind of anti-pot propaganda, and here's why.

First off, if he had "overdosed" on Marijuana, he would have been far too lethargic to go around loping off heads. Not only did he have the strength to cut her head off, but he also had enough energy to run from the police and avoid capture.

Second, Marijuana doesn't make you violent. It makes you hungry, sleepy, and slightly stupid. Most of all it makes you mellow. If drugs were the only reason this guy went crazy, then he must have been using something more than just Mary Jane.

Third, it is IMPOSIBLE to overdose on pot. No one has ever overdosed on pot in the history of the world, and no one ever will. This is a scientific fact. The blood can only absorb a certain amount of the chemical in weed that makes you high. After that it doesn't matter how much you smoke, it will have no further effect.

Forth, this guy was obviously mental. Anyone who paints song quotes all over his walls is a head case, no mater what they are smoking.

Fifth, Marijuana and hemp are not the same thing. Hemp is not an intoxicant.

Sixth, those stupid old bitches probably deserved it. I'm glad they are dead. Stupid bitches.

Thursday, September 23, 2004

Piss Sniffers

Dogs Can Be Trained To Smell Bladder Cancer In Urine

These "scientists" spent all this time and money to teach some dogs how to detect bladder cancer. My question is why? Why would anyone do this? The dogs were 41% accurate, so I guess all the hospitals around the world can finally throw out those old unreliable dollar store bladder cancer tests they were using. Maybe next time they can teach them a useful trick, like smelling stupidity.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Miss America looks like white trash.

She looks like a real estate agent, something about her just screams, "I'm going to be involved in a sex tape scandal." Could this be the year when America will see it's favorite beauty queen deep throating some scumbag in a cheap hotel room? I sure hope so.

Thursday, September 16, 2004

CBS: Fair and Balanced

Everyone knows that George W Bush is a poster child for nepotism. So you might not think it all that surprising that the CBS news magazine 60 Minutes aired a story about how he used the political pull of daddy Bush to not only gain him a position in the Texas Air National Guard, but also to garner special treatment while he was there.

But CBS made the mistake of using some questionable documents as a focal point of their story, and now the stations credibility is being scrutinized more than W's shaky military record. Everyone is jumping up and down yelling "got ya" at the station, because their bias has been laid naked for all to see.

George Bush got where he is because of who is parents are. Anyone who disagrees with that is an idiot. Anyone who is shocked by it is also an idiot. But anyone who is surprised that CBS has an anti-republican bias is also an idiot. Since he was elected/appointed president, 60 Minutes has aired so many anti-Bush stories the show should be renamed "The Down with W Hour."

The stories might have been true, but that's beside the point. CBS is also the network that produced the highly unflattering made for TV movie "The Reagans." And did you see the Lesley Stahl interview with the 2 Johns and their wives? That episode should have been titled "Sycophant Fest 2004." The commercials should have said "Lesley Stahl Sucks John Kerry's Cock, While John Edwards Fucks Her Ass, next on 60 Minutes." Seriously it made me want to puke.

At least since the Watergate scandal, we've known that we can't trust the government. All the outrage over memogate makes me wonder, are we just now realizing that we can't trust the media?

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Sarah Jessica Parker is an ugly skank

When Sex in the City first came on the air I had neither this Blog, nor HBO. If I had I would probably have said something nasty about Sarah Jessica Parker at that time. But since the horse nosed starlet of the show just started appearing a new Gap commercial, she has afforded me a fresh opportunity to comment on her ugliness.

Watching that ugly trollop prance around with that faggoty Lenny Kravits makes me want to puke. I don't care if she's a "sex symbol." Just because she dresses like a whore doesn't make her beautiful. She's an ugly skank, and she needs to be stopped.

If someone doesn't put an end to her ugly reign of terror soon, we might end up with ugly chicks everywhere thinking that they are actually attractive. If I want to look at ugly people I'll go to Wal-Mart, or watch reality TV. And there are plenty of ugly people on Reality TV (especially on Big Brother).

So someone needs to hold that bitch down and take a cheese grater to her snout before things get out of control.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

There is a large blue and orange list of links on the left hand side of this page powered by a site called bloglinker. Bloglinker is a handy way for bloggers to get traffic to their blog. Whenever I add a link to that list, a link to my site is automatically created on that site's list.

Unfortunately there is no good way to differentiate between the links I added to the list vs. the links that other bloggers added. I only bring this up because some really crappy sites add their link to my list. I could delete these links of course, but then those webmasters might delete my link from their page. I'm a traffic whore, what can I say?

Most of the sites that added their links so far haven't been that bad, and so I haven't said anything about them. Until now. A site called just added a link to my bloglinker list. It's so bad that I just can't help myself.

A 14-year-old boy put this site together. Unlike a lot of other 14-year-old boys, this one apparently has no nerd skills available to construct a simple web page. His "attempt" at a web page looks like the Geocites page creator puked all over my monitor.

I don't know whether the author added my link to his bloglinker list because he actually liked my site, or because he just wanted some traffic. Either way I don't really care. Anyone with a site that crappy should beware of linking to an asshole like me if they can't handle a little criticism.

No one cares about your dead grandmother.

When I read other blogs, I always hate it when a post starts off with some statement to the effect of "I haven't posted anything in a while because…" Bloggers blogging about their own blog is just ridiculous. For me, a good blog must provide commentary on something of interest. The behind the scenes effort that goes into a blog may be of interest to the author, but it is rarely of any interest to me.

When I first read a blog, I rarely notice that date of the most recent post. If the blog is good, and I come back at a later date to find that it hasn't been updated, then I might notice that the last post is a month old. But reading a list of excuses for why the blog hasn't been updated lately makes for a poor first impression.

A posting like this might be excused if your blog is all about your day-to-day life, or if you are using it as a backdrop for some interesting commentary on life. Otherwise no one cares that your grandmother died, or that you were in the hospital for gonorrhea, or that your house burned down.

So instead of writing a post about why you haven't posted, maybe you should just write a normal post. I haven't posted anything for just over a week, but I'm not going to tell you why. If you read the past 2 posts, I'm sure you can figure it out. If not then you're a fucking idiot.

Friday, September 03, 2004

Retard Killed in Hurricane, Details at 11!

I wasn't going to say anything else about Hurricane Frances, but the news around here is so ridiculous that I just can't help it. One of the local stations has set up this segment called "Ask Mike." The idea is for viewers to call him with their hurricane questions, rather than bothering the other toll free information hotlines like 911.

So Mike gets a call from this lady asking if pegboard would be a suitable material with which to board up her sliding glass doors. Mike gets a slightly concerned look on his face as he searches for words. I'm sure he didn't consider pegboard a safe alternative to say...sheet metal, but he obviously couldn't tell her that.

Mike did his best to keep the caller from panicking, without telling her that she was a moron, and therefore deserving of the debris that was soon going to fly through her window, and then through the skull of one of her 14 cats. Mike was a real pro. He managed to talk to the lady without making her panic, or giving her any advice on pegboard that could possibly end up getting the station sued.

Her first stupid question wasn't enough either. She then launched into a lengthy diatribe about the various methods she employed to protect the other parts of her house. These measures bared no resemblance to the behavior of a retard, so Mike happily approved of them hoping put an end to the call.

The lady, having been encouraged, now clearly felt she was a hurricane preparedness expert, so she decided the entire audience would benefit from disclosure of another one of her brilliant ideas. She told Mike that she had parked her van sideways in front of the endangered sliding glass doors, to help shield them from the wind.

I think Mike may have snapped a little bit here, but he did an excellent job of hiding his contempt and disbelief. "Sounds like you've really thought this all out, and you've done everything you can to prepare" he told said. "Maybe we should be getting our information from you." This was the sort of reassurance the lady was looking for, so she finally put an end to Mike's misery and finished the call.

I hope that lady's van blows right through her stupid sliding glass doors and kills her children. People that stupid shouldn't breed.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Frances can kiss my ass.

Frances is coming, and I’m right in it’s path. It’s predicted to make landfall about 10 miles north of my apartment. Everyone in town is running around like a bunch of idiots spending money on “hurricane supplies” like it’s Christmas or something. It’s like an event brought to you by The Home Depot.

With all of the hysteria, I started thinking. I started wondering, where are all the environmentalists? People are buying plywood by the truck load, should they be out to bitch about all the dead trees? I wonder what an environmentalist would use to protect his or her house?

They can’t use plywood, because that involves cutting something down. I guess they could use metal, but how do they think metal comes into being? Metal doesn’t just come out of the ground in convenient flat sheets. It has to be mined, and processed, and refined, and molded, and whatever else they do to make metal storm shutters. That process requires a lot of energy, and I’m sure it causes some sort of pollution.

Anyway, I don’t give a shit about the environment, but I didn’t buy any plywood. Why not? Because Frances can kiss my ass, that’s why not. I live in an apartment that was built post-Hurricane Andrew, and my sliding glass doors weigh about 10 thousand lbs. The building is solid concrete, and the management even told us that we didn’t need to bother with putting up shutters.

So Frances can kiss my ass. I just hope my cable doesn’t go out. That would be a disaster.