Wednesday, July 28, 2004

I Hate Chain Letters

Someone forwarded one of those stupid E-mail chain letters to me today. I won’t bore you with the letter itself; it was just the typical mail-this-to-everyone-you-know-or-you-will-be-tortured-to-death-in-a-Vietnamese-POW-camp type of chain letter. As with most of these letters it included some mushy nonsense. You know what I’m talking about. Sometimes it’s a sappy story about a crippled kid that is supposed to be inspiring. Sometimes it’s a sad story about domestic abuse, and the triumph of some stupid woman over incredible odds.

Anyway, in case you didn’t guess, I hate chain letters. So here is the response I sent to this most recent chain letter.

This is a Chain letter. It holds no more good luck than any other piece of Spam (the E-mail kind, or the meat kind). Nor does it have any mystical properties that will make you get hit by a bus, or killed in an elevator accident, or attacked by wallabies. You will notice that I have waited well over 6 minutes to respond to this Chain letter, and yet I have remained completely free of wallaby attacks. 

If these stupid letters held any of the powers they claim to, then choking on toothpicks or falling through manhole covers would become the leading causes of death. And while all the non-believers are dying in unusual ways, all the idiots who believe in this nonsense would be constantly finding giant bags of money, and discovering oil in their backyard.

No one has EVER died from failing to respond to a chain letter. No one has EVER discovered ultimate happiness from forwarding a chain letter. The only thing that a chain letter really does is help get your E-mail address on another SPAM list. So next time you get one of these stupid letters, you should take every other piece of SPAM in your inbox and forward it back to the idiot who sent it to you.

If you hate Chain letters as much as I do, then I suggest you E-mail this to everyone you know. If you don’t send it to at least 67 people within the next 2 seconds a toilet will fall out of the sky and crush your skull.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

CLICK! the jumping, green alien on INDEX. I din't write the Rules, friend. YOUR choice in this Finite Existence with free-will. God flagrantly bless you with massive discernment.

12:37 PM  
Blogger ShutUpEd said...

Oh the Irony

1:29 AM  
Blogger jaxrabbit said...

And the "jumping green alien on INDEX" leading to Visions of Hell by Saint Faustina has something to do with chain letters because.......

Do you know this person, or is it simply a nutjob yelling "come and see my really super-poorly-designed website"?

Great rant, Ed. Don't shut up.

6:02 AM  
Blogger ShutUpEd said...

I beleave this is a new form of spam. A really stupid, and I’m guessing completely inefective, form of spam.

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow I so agree, You sir are a Jesus.

9:51 PM  

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